Focus - Mindset

Remember that our own worth is measured by what we devote our energy to. Pg 87 - meditations

Part of what you and I are challenged to do in our most difficult moments is to narrow our focus. It’s easy to be distracted, lethargic, or engrossed in things that really don’t matter. Thus, we’re constantly invited to focus our minds, work, and efforts on the things that will make a difference.

For me there were times when focus was a challenge.

It was Monday night February 27th and I was supposed to take a flight on Southwest Airlines from Charleston SC to DFW changing planes in Nashville. It was a flight I had taken many times before and this one should have been very easy. Yet, when I arrived at the airport, I found out very quickly that things were not playing out right.

My flight leaving Charleston had been delayed by more than two hours, which would result in me missing my connecting flight in Nashville. I was going to have to either spend the night in Charleston or Nashville, thus missing my meetings in DFW. This was not an option.

Quickly, I changed airlines from Southwest to Delta, meaning that I would change planes in Atlanta. Again, this was a flight I knew well. I had done it many times before. When I got my ticket, I chose a seat on an exit row next to the door sitting across from the flight attendant.

While it was annoying, it seemed to be working out well. I would make my flight in Atlanta and I would make my meetings in DFW the next day.

As the flight was landing in Atlanta, I looked out the window and everything was blurry. It was weird, but I assumed that I was simply tired from all the travel and needed a little rest. I knew I needed new glasses, but this was a little extreme.

Little did I know at the time that something significant was wrong, I was having a massive stroke. That’ why everything was blurry. I had lost focus not because I was tired, but because my body was shutting down.

As we landed the stewardess began to ask questions recognizing that something was wrong. I kept telling her, “I’m fine, just let me sit here and rest. I’ll be good. I just need to close my eyes for a second.”

When you’re in the middle of the fight of your life, it’s easy to lose focus. It’s easy to forget what really matters and prioritize the wrong things. Everything from who will mow the yard to who’s going to clean the house, get the oil changed in the car, etc. moves to the forefront of your mind. Yet what really matters most is your health, your family, and your future. Who cares what the yard looks like, and no one is really going to judge you based on the cleanliness of your baseboards. Certainly, the car can go for another two to three thousand miles on the same oil change. Yet, that’s not what your mind is telling you.

So here’s what I learned about focus.

Focus on what really matters

You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results. – James Clear – Atomic Habits -  Pg. 18 – atomic habits

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the wrong things. We place value on the immediate temporary things and forget the real importance of the things that have long-term consequence. Our focus has to turn to those things that matter most. Things like your health, physical and mental.

You’ve cared about stuff for years that you thought really mattered. You gave priority to things that really provided no benefit to you or those you love, and yet in these moments your health forces a new kind of clarity regarding what is really important. You have to reassess your life, actions, and activities. Some of the things that you thought had significant value or importance before may need to move further down the food chain.

For instance, your health may require you to turn your focus from things like sports, shopping, and entertainment. Just prior to fifty years of age, I made a decision to join a CrossFit gym. Katie had been going for several months and continued to enjoy the gym, the workouts, and the people. Finally, after I finished my doctoral degree, I decided that it was time for me to join the same gym.

The young man who owned the gym was a lawyer who had played college baseball. When I met him, he was the perfect picture of health. He was strong, fit, and built like a Greek god. I remember talking with him one day about his health. In the midst of the conversation, I asked him if he had always been focused on his health.

As we talked, he told me about how he had not paid much attention to his health in prior years. That in spite of playing baseball through college he had gained weight and was bigger than he had ever been upon graduation. Once he finished college, he enrolled in law school and spent even less time focusing on his health.

It wasn’t until he graduated from law school, got his first job, and was married that he finally began to focus on his health. As he turned his attention to his health; his life, body, and mind began to transform.

It was in a continued conversation about health one day with the gym owner when he said this, “I focus on my health. My wife, my family, my gym, and my health (mental and physical). I will push everything else in my life, but those things.” He was making it clear to me that his health was a major part of his focus.

Focus on you

Many of us get depressed when we lose focus or motivation because we think that successful people have some bottomless reserve of passion. – James Clear – Atomic Habits – pg. 234

It’s easy to feel like everything is collapsing around you when you are facing the struggles of life. In those moments we tend to feel overwhelmed and lost. The simplest things can quickly get the best of us. It’s even worse if you’re comparing your life with friends and people on social media. Their lives appear to be perfect. It seems they are constantly on vacation, getting a raise, and their homes are perfect.

While we can care for, invest, and love others, we have to move our focus off of the comparisons that so easily bring us down. Believe me no one’s life is perfect.

It’s important to remember that your actions will pay dividends in the long run. Your struggle will bring questions, concerns, anxiety, fears and worry, but your health and well-being are the primary focus of your life in these moments. 

We often find that others will distract us or even try (not intentionally) to bring the focus on themselves. But your health and well-being must be the priority.

Early on in my cancer journey Katie had a young lady we had known for years who reached out wanting to bring her child from out of town to meet me. Katie and I had helped to see the young lady through some of her own life struggles during her teenage years, and she wanted to make sure that her daughter and I had the chance to meet. While I was flattered that she would want me to meet her daughter, I was not in a position physically to have visitors for any length of time.

Fortunately, Katie protected me and my health and asked the young lady not to come. Katie knew that I would need the time and space to rest, relax, and focus on my own health. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and clarifying focus in the midst of your crisis. Taking those steps will help you to heal faster.

If you don’t have the strength or mental edge to say no then designate someone in your life that will help you to keep your focus on your own healing and health.

 Focus on your health