Overwhelmed and Balancing Life
Many of you know that 12 years ago I started a doctoral program. It took me five years to complete the degree and it was non-stop hard work!
In one of our very first classes, the professor (who became my dissertation chair) said, “you need to be prepared to give 20-25 hours a week to your doctoral work.” Initially, when I heard him make this statement, I thought it was a mistake. But then he made it again, indicating that we would need to reevaluate our current commitments and schedules to find the needed and necessary time to complete the degree. Immediately, I emailed Katie (my wife) and said, “this may have been a mistake.” I was working as a chaplain at a university, soon to move to a new role as VP, and preaching every weekend at churches in the area. Looking back, I’m grateful for the journey and all I learned and discovered about myself and my commitments. Here are a few things I learned along the way regarding the ability to balance a busy life:
You must determine what really matters.
Believe it or not, it is easy to let others dictate what you think really matters. Others will tell you what you should place value on and how you should prioritize your life. The question is not what they find most important, but what you find most important.
For me, it began with prioritizing my family, my job, my degree, and my faith. I determined early on that I would not miss the activities and events that mattered to my kids and my spouse. One of the things I am most proud of during that 5-year period is that I missed only one soccer game. I did my job well. I turned in my assignments and work on time. And, I continued to place a high priority on my faith.
All this meant that I had to give some things up. I stopped serving on boards and committees that were not required. I was careful and conscious of my appointments. I didn’t have time to waste so I had to weigh the value of every meeting and request. I quit watching sports and television. I became much more judicious and intentional with my time.
Take control of your time.
I realized that I would need to take control of my life and calendar. If I didn’t plan and schedule things out, then I would find myself wasting time I did not have. Time was one of my most precious resources.
I took the approach of block time. I would intentionally and purposefully schedule out as much of my life as possible. I would calendar out work, studies, reading, chores, and rest. This allowed me to know when I needed to be actively doing certain things. Quickly, I figured out what times I worked best and got the most done. I am a person that does much of my best work early in the morning. This meant that I was up at 4:30AM most days, allowing me to do course work or focus on my dissertation before heading off to work. As well, I intentionally placed most of my conversations, phone calls, and meetings at times when I knew the social interaction would recharge my batteries.
Taking control of my schedule meant writing all assignments, to do items, ideas, and plans out each week. I kept (and still keep) a very detailed list of items I am working on. It allows me to never miss a thought or idea and helps me to keep my life organized.
Do something everyday.
For many people, this is one of the most difficult disciplines. Early on in my doctoral studies, I had a dear friend tell me simply, “Don’t ignore what needs to be done. Do something every day.” Tackling life in small increments allowed me to accomplish an enormous amount without feeling overwhelmed. Too often, we procrastinate, push, or delay what really needs to be done. We ignore the ugly or hard things and do the easy task. Choosing not to ignore the difficult task, but instead addressing it, helps to keep me from being overwhelmed. It works and is some of the best advice I ever received.
For those of you who are overwhelmed or struggling to keep up, remember you decide what really matters. It is your life, take control of it. Don’t ignore the task at hand. Do something every day.