Values - Mindset
MINDSET – VALUES
Values are an “enduring belief that a specific mode of conduct or end-state of existence is personally or socially preferable to an opposite or converse mode of conduct or end-state.” Bass & Bass – The Bass handbook of Leadership – pg. 167
As I write this, it is political season. We are only a handful of weeks away from voting for a president in 2024. It seems like these moments bring about non-stop conversation regarding values, what really matters and who has their values in the right place or in a place that match the most people.
Values for each of us are those ethics, principles and actions that we place a high priority on in our lives, our homes, our companies, and even the organizations we serve with, and yet principles and values are not exactly the same thing. Principles are guidelines for human conduct. They tell us how we should live with those around us. For instance, principles might state that we believe in honesty, fairness, and respect as ways we should live. Thus, we choose to treat those we know in ways that reflect these principles.
Values, on the other hand, tell us what really matters in our lives, what takes priority and what we will invest in as people. The conflict arises when we choose not to live out our values or our values and principles don’t match up.
Value can also be espoused and enacted. Espoused values are stated/spoken and perhaps even written down. Enacted values are inferred from what people do, how they live and act. It’s not uncommon for peoples espoused and enacted values to differ. By in large, individuals whose espoused and enacted values match have the biggest impact on others and the world around them. Those who clearly connect these two are most often individuals who live with joy, peace, and a sense of fulfillment.
Thus, your values matter. Understanding them, knowing them, and living them is important for you before, during, and after any life crisis.
One of the pain points in life is recognizing that you’ve placed your values in something that really had no worth or lacked the validity you imagined or understood. It’s in these moments when your values are challenged and often change. It’s in these moments when you and I are forced to reflect on our lives.
“It’s time to sit down and think about what’s really important to you and then take steps to forsake the rest.”
Ryan Holiday – Ego is the Enemy- pg. 118
I have a good friend who served with me at the “Christian” university. Several weeks ago, we had the opportunity to spend a little time together. As we talked, he shared how he had struggled since leaving the school. He had always believed that his calling/life would be spent investing in college students. He enjoyed his role and was actually very good at it, but had found himself at odds with the “Christian” president of the school and saw the writing on the wall indicating that his days were numbered. Instead of being fired or pushed out, he chose to leave in hopes of transitioning in his career and saving his personal calling.
Instead, what he found was a deep sense of loss and uncertainty. His life was radically altered and his future career in limbo. As we sat talking, he said this, “Looking back, it all seems like my life was simply in vain.” In other words, all that I thought was of value no longer held meaning or importance for me.
There are few moments that bring clarity to values like change, obstacles or sickness. It is in the most difficult moments of life, the moments when life appears to be fading that you gain a deep insight into what really matters. It’s in those moments we are forced to really reflect on our values.
As you’ve often heard the statement, “no one on their death bed says, ‘I wish I would have spent more time at the office or on my golf game.’” Everyone wishes they would have placed more value on what really matters in life when they are at the end. No one wants to be surrounded by their power point presentation, work calendar, golf clubs, or shopping bags. Everyone wants to be surrounded by family and friends, those they love, when they are at the end of life.
With that in mind, what does your life say you value? If we looked at your time, effort, and investments, what values would they reflect? Your values act as a reflection or reminder of what really matters in our lives. Values tell us and others what things hold the most significance to us.
The challenge is that we can give voice to values and never really give intentional action to them. We can make pithy statements about what we value and never really shape our lives to be reflections of those statements.
Values should reflect what we care most about in life and those often look different for everyone. Principles tend to be universally true. Both values and principles can serve as a guide for how we live our lives.
Practice the virtues you can show: honesty, gravity, endurance, austerity, resignation, abstinence, patience, sincerity, moderation, seriousness, high-mindedness. – Meditations – Marcus Aurelius – pg.54
Ideas regarding values…
1. Values require intentionality – If your actions don’t reflect your stated values, then those aren’t your values. Don’t tell me you value your spouse, kids, and faith and then ignore or make no investment in those three things. You have to take the intentional steps to see your values lived out in front of those you love and care for the most.
2. Challenges help us to hone or focus our values – When life is hard, challenging, or fragile we start to take an honest look at what we really value as people. Katie and I have often reflected on how our values and priorities changed during cancer and the stroke. Possessions and social status no longer mattered. What others valued (cars, homes, clothes, etc.) suddenly made little sense to us. It was more about quality time with those we loved and cared for. Both of us were no longer interested in chasing the values of the world.
3. Values reflect what is important to you.
You often hear others say, I value family and faith. And yet they spend very little time with their family and make no investment in their faith. Politicians are easy targets in this moment. They make statements about family values and then place resources and policies in all sorts of places that have nothing to do with family values.
If you value family, then your actions and life need to reflect those things, not just for you, but for others as well.
4. Values should inform our interactions with others.
For instance, the leader who values courage will often take unpopular stands on issues. The leader who values imagination will evaluate the worth of another based up on their ability to be creative and bring fresh ideas.
Yet, the reverse is true as well. Bad values motivate bad behavior and easily allow for a disconnect between espoused and enacted values.
Our values should inform how we live and our behavior with others. For instance, the 2nd president I worked for at the “Christian” university often spoke about how important honesty was and yet struggled to tell the truth in the most difficult moments. He would often tell a lie when the truth would have served him better. Clearly, he struggled matching his actions with his stated values.
Christians often speak about unity and kindness and then engage in demeaning conversation over social media. Christians can, and often do, disagree, but what should set Christians apart is how we choose to disagree. When our actions and interactions with others reflect something other than love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness, then our actions and values don’t match.
But your conversion should always rest on a conviction that it's right, or benefits others - nothing else. Not because it's appealing or more popular. – Meditations - Marcus Aurelius – pg. 40
My vocational and personal values are…
· Transparency/Authenticity
o On a personal level this has meant being honest and transparent about my health. As Katie always says, “we needed as many people as possible praying for us when you were sick.” Yet, countless people choose to live lives hidden or shaded so that others will only see the best version of them. All you have to do is spend a few minutes on social media and this is clear. Everyone wants you to think their lives are perfect and that they are always on a holiday vacation.
· Encouragement
o I choose to be an encouraging person, so I try to send a note of encouragement to someone everyday either through text, email, or card.
o As well, I go out of my way to say thanks and tell people what I appreciate about them.
· Generosity
o For me, generosity is more than just a financial way of life. Generosity is about sharing space, time, and life with others. Thus, we constantly have family and friends in our home. Our home is not a museum or place to simply escape the world. It is a place where those we love and care about gather to share life, laughter, and joy with each other.
· Change
o I recognize that change is a way of life. Just like the seasons, life is constantly changing. So, I appreciate, enjoy, and value change. Thus, we have moved 9 times in 33 years of marriage. It has provided lots of opportunity to see the world from a different point of view.
With kindness and with justice, I'll do my best to treat them as they deserve. – Meditations – Marcus Aurelius – pg. 33
· Kindness
o I believe that kindness should be a way of life for all of us. In fact, I don’t care for mean, demeaning, bullies. I believe kindness should be part of who we are as people. So, I’ll go out of my way to be kind when possible.
In the most challenging and difficult moments of life we are often forced to reassess our values. Perhaps it is time for each of us to assess what it is we really value? What does our life reflect? What would those who know us best say we value most?
Choose to live a life that values the most important things. Choose the best!